A week before I determined Bienvenuto had gone missing, a notice appeared in our elevator of a closed session of the HOA. During these occasions I want to be a fly on the wall on the drapes Tom Cruise left behind from "Last Samurai". The HOA's scheduled closed topic was "staff issues". I imagined entertaining intrigue, like reduced wages in exchange for green cards, but never that Bienvenuto would be gone.
Bienvenuto has been here as long as we lived here and before that. He was sure, through my and Leif's entire two month engagement, that I was knocked up. The give away was he kept asking how I was, "How ARE you?". I finally had to break it to him that it wasn't a shot gun wedding, I just could stand to lose weight. He was still happy for my wedding and showed me his parents' wedding photo which he'd contributed to the library of old wedding photos decorating Castle Green's bridal dressing room. This is the room where brides can pee, dress and look in the mirror before they commit themselves to a man. I did.
After two weeks of Bienvenuto not appearing for his scheduled shift, I asked Felix (the castle's 20ish elevator kid) if he was filling in for Bienvenuto. I've noticed old people are uniquely prone to medical issues, and I was scared he was sick.
"No" said Felix. He wasn't filling in for Bienvenuto, Bienvenuto would be filling in for him. This leads me to believe they got the old man to go easily by telling him he'd be the "temp" elevator operator, covering other people's shifts when they couldn't make it. It's been a month now and I know for a fact Raimundo had a cold, but Bienvenuto has not shown up.
Bienvenuto will still be able to support himself, his wife and their Pomeranian "Foxy". He can't have been supporting himself all these years on his one day a week shift. Clearly he'd been working here because he wanted to. On that one shift he'd observe holidays, whichever was closest to the day he worked. Near the 4th of July he wore a horrible red and blue vest with white stars. His shift near Easter, he sported a rayon vest with a bunny montage. I think he was wearing them not just to entertain himself or draw attention. I think he was trying to bring us holiday cheer.
One Castle Green winter tour he dressed as Santa and made the rounds of apartments owners had opened to curious paying public (a biannual tradition, the "home invasion tour"). I assume he was paid for the gig but I know he did it because he felt like part of the castle and wanted to participate. He never forgave the owner who told him to "Move along, Santa" when he was awing guests in his apartment.
I knew whenever his shift fell, because he would bring my many packages (currently jacked up vintage dolls to repair) right to our door. The elevator guys are only obligated to bring up mail that fits through the mail slot, but he fancied himself full service and would bring packages as well. I think he tried to bell boy once too, carrying someone's luggage, and hurt himself requiring the castle to pay for a brief hospital stay.
His shift was a little exhausting (for residents) as his hearing was going and he didn't always hear the buzzer we ring for the elevator. Waits for the elevator were a little long on his shift but one could just expect it and plan ahead. Another reason waits were a little long, is because he'd be in the elevator or stopped on one of the floors chatting with his current passenger. His conversation was largely reminiscence and vaudeville humor. He told a lot of slightly off color jokes because he thought those were his funniest. Here's an example of an on-color one:
Question: "Why did the bee wear a yarmulke?"
Answer: "So people wouldn't mistake him for a WASP."
If I were rich I would hire Bienvenuto back to the castle, as a nanny for my 14 year old Maltese doggy. Bienvenuto would be much cooler than Richard Pryor in "The Toy". My little dog's not always social, because he's too focused on the next target he plans to mark to notice much else else, but Spikey was in love with Bienvenuto. Every elevator ride he'd lovingly rub himself against Bienvenuto's ankles in ownership.
About Spikey, Bienvenuto told me "When you get old you realize your dogs are your kids". I already know this, having chosen them over human children. And here's a final piece of Bienvenuto brilliance, a joke that's funny only as a time capsule.
Setup: "I knew a guy who was so dumb he enlisted"
Punchline: "because he thought Pearl Harbor was a lady."
I hope Bienvenuto remembered to take the picture of his parents when he was let go.
 |
| I can't find a picture of Bienvenuto anywhere, so I'm putting a picture of George Burns. |
9 comments:
Well that stinks. I'd have thought change was less inevitable at a place like the Castle.
And thanks for visiting my blog. Yours is, as promised, a good read.
Well, I'm glad u didn't have anything with Bienvenito's disappearance!
Btw, who's in charge of the hiring, and firing, (ie, Personnel Dept) for a Castle?
Can you dedicate a page just to quote Bienvenuto's jokes? A bunch of stinkers at the Green Chip
What a great post, wonderfully written.
Barbara, I think you're on to something. My husband hates change I suspect that's something he thought he could avoid by living here.
Cafe Pasadena, based on the meeting notes I think the HOA has final say on hiring and firing. It's definitely not by natural selection.
Pasadena Adjacent, I remember random characters from his jokes (rabbi, some guy in a bar, his wife) not the whole story. I can try to put you in touch with him if you'd like to make a Bienvenuto supplemental page.
Thanks,
Rebecca
Petrea, thank you. I used to be an actress too. I'm making myself write because it's the other thing I do well.
This is funny shiznit. I can't stop giggling. I grew up about 2 miles south west of The Castle - I've always been obsessed with the Victorian elegance of the castle. I wish I would have found you're blog July 2012-- nonetheless, I'm happy I found it. I'm enjoying the adventure.
Post a Comment